Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Picture Memory

My Grandparents and I at Graduation.

 My Grandparents Dorothy and Elven, mean the world to me they are awesome people they would do anything for me and I would always be there for them to. My grandfather is the strongest man I know. He had open hart surgery in January, and is doing awesome today.

The Last Picture I  Have With My Dad. It Was At One Of The Best Days Ever. GRADUATION.

This is my dad and I, at my graduation. I really didn't think he was going to come but he did. I couldn't believe how proud he was of me. I miss the old times with my dad. Like when I was little and use to do alot of stuff with me. I miss that. 

My best friend :) Savanna

This girl was my life in high school. I miss her so much I need to get together with her !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love her she is like my sister

This is Adrian my awesome boy friend

 Adrian. Wow. There is so much I could say about my boo. He is the sweetest Man I have ever Knowen. He takes good care of me. I love Him. I swear if I ever lose him, I will lose myself :(.

Here is a little poem for him:

“When I saw you, I was afraid to meet you.

 When I met you, I was afraid to kiss you.

 When I kissed you, I was afraid to love you.

 Now that I love you, I'm afraid to lose you.”

Thats how I feel about him. Know I love him I am really afraid to lose him.

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

If Tears Could Build a Stair Way

If tears could build a stairway,
and memories build a lane,
I'd walk right up to heaven,

and bring you home again.
No farewell wordss were spoken,
no time to say "goodbye",
You were gone before I knew it,
and only God knows why.
My heart still aches with sadness,

and secret tears still flow.
What it meant to love you-
No one can ever know,

But now I know you want me
to mourn for you no more;
To remember all the happy times,

life still has much in store.
Since you'll never be forgotten
I pledge to you today-
A hollowed place within my heart
is where you'll always stay.

This is a poem for all the people I have lost. I wish I could hear your voices one last time but your so far away, With no stair well or tel-phone. Miss you all so much and can't wait to see you agiain.

Goodbye isn't forever.
Goodbye isnt the end.
Good buy simply means
 I will miss you until we meet again!

Love you Grandma

I miss you Grandma Betty

Wow. Today it really hit me that my Grandma Betty is not doing good. They dont think she will make it. I regret not being closer to you. I just want to say sorry and I love you but I can't get to Utah right know. I am sorry I failed as a granddaughter. I love you for ever. No matter on Earth or in Heaven. I don't want you to be hurting anymore. I want the best for you, I want you to be better. I hate feeling like this. I hate not knowing what i had until, its prity much gone. It hurts.

I cant quit crying. I want you to be okay. I want you to be there to see me grow. I think about you on a daily basis. I really can't believe that this is really happening. All I can do is rembember the good times we had and miss you for the healthy you not the sick you. Love you Grandma Betty.

I swear things start going good, and then shit hits the fan and gets bad again. It sucks. I feel alone because I am the only one in my mom's house feeling these emotions. It sucks. My mom is supporting me though witch is making this a little easyer. The hurtful part is that I am the only one hurting. God works in mystirous ways, he lets a new one come into the world and takes the good people away. Why couldn't he take the criminals and put babies back on the earth to do good for the familys. I don't get the way God works, it kills me bad. I feel like I am fighting the demonds by myself.

I wrote this poem about my grandma and the things that i will always rember about her.

A Grandma's Love-

A grandma's love never dies,
even when she is long gone.
The memories never fade,
even when they do.
The love you shared will always
be there no matter were she is.
I will always love you grandma.

\I just wish i could thank everyone who is supporting me in my time of needs. I want to thank my:
  • My mom- she is an awesome lady
  • My boy friend Adrian- he is a sweet hart
  • My sister Jessica- she is a life saver
  • My grandparents Elvin and Dorothy- they are awesome
  • My father- he is just there
Trying to keep myself busy but its not working I keep thinking about shit thats going on. It hurts and I just need to keep myself busy. I can't believe things like this are really going on... just when I get happy with Adrian. It really fucking sucks. O how i wish things would be back to normal .In less than an 45 Mins I will be seeing my daddy. For the first Time since this stuff with my grandma witch is going to be really hard,.I don't want to see my dad like this its going to kill me. Just kidding I am not going to see him probably. I GOT TO SEE MY DAD


Monday, February 25, 2013

Family and friends

***more people need to be like this***

 I wish people would relize I aint a bad person. I try to be there for them when they need me... but they are never there when I need someone... It hurts, I take time to be there fro them but they can never take time for me... when I need someone.

There is just those few people I can talk to and lean on when I need someone... They know who they are. Love you guys, and I am always there for  you. If you guys need anything let me know I will always be here and no matter what anyone says... I LOVE YOU <3

I really want to thank my Mom. She has been there for me threw a lot. I couldnt ask for a better person to help me out of the slumps i get into. She is sweet caring and an awesome lady. She has been threw so much and is still so strong, there are no words I could ever use to explain how awesome my mom is. I can't believe that after all the hell I have put her threw she still loves me the way she does. I also want to thank my grandparents Dorothy and Elvin, they have done a lot for my mom and I. I couldn't ask for better people in my life they are always there for me. I can call on them for anything. They mean the world to me Love you and love everything about you guys.

I will never forget all the good times I have had with my friends, and family. I miss the ones I don't get to see everyday but they know I still Love them with every bit of my hart :). I will always hold them in my hart

WOW. What a day. I find out from one o fmy dads friends that his mom my grandma is in the hospital with kidney failure. I dont even know how long she has been in there or what exactly is going on.... IT HURTS. I am going to lose it. I want to just cry. NO one knows how hard this is for me with my depression and stuff as bad as it is... Why must things always happen to me... it never ends.. The last time I seen her was a while back in walmart. It was really hard cuz she seemed like she couldnt remember me whitch was really hard and it broke my hart....

its so true